Shell

After everything I went through in NS, I assumed I would become better at dealing with people.

Today, I found out how wrong I was.

I'm hurting friends I don't intend to hurt. I make promises I'm unable to keep. I disappoint people with everything I do. I hate myself for being unable to deal with all of it, and for being a horrible person, a lousy friend. I try to fix my mistakes, but cowardly hold back, fear of further failure clouding my judgment.

Sometimes, I just wish I could go somewhere quiet. A large field, empty from horizon to horizon. Or a mountaintop. Or a deserted island. And there I'd just be free. Away from everything.

Yet these bonds prove harder to break day by day. They define me, and at the same time, they rob me of my identity. The irony is almost impossible to bear.

I'm tired.



I want to be free.

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