Vamps wheee
Many many many thanks to Adel for the spectacularly wonderful present. I love it so much <3
I feel so happy, haha.
Hyde and Kaz. Crazy sexy cool personified.
Shell
After everything I went through in NS, I assumed I would become better at dealing with people.
Today, I found out how wrong I was.
I'm hurting friends I don't intend to hurt. I make promises I'm unable to keep. I disappoint people with everything I do. I hate myself for being unable to deal with all of it, and for being a horrible person, a lousy friend. I try to fix my mistakes, but cowardly hold back, fear of further failure clouding my judgment.
Sometimes, I just wish I could go somewhere quiet. A large field, empty from horizon to horizon. Or a mountaintop. Or a deserted island. And there I'd just be free. Away from everything.
Yet these bonds prove harder to break day by day. They define me, and at the same time, they rob me of my identity. The irony is almost impossible to bear.
I'm tired.
I want to be free.
Today, I found out how wrong I was.
I'm hurting friends I don't intend to hurt. I make promises I'm unable to keep. I disappoint people with everything I do. I hate myself for being unable to deal with all of it, and for being a horrible person, a lousy friend. I try to fix my mistakes, but cowardly hold back, fear of further failure clouding my judgment.
Sometimes, I just wish I could go somewhere quiet. A large field, empty from horizon to horizon. Or a mountaintop. Or a deserted island. And there I'd just be free. Away from everything.
Yet these bonds prove harder to break day by day. They define me, and at the same time, they rob me of my identity. The irony is almost impossible to bear.
I'm tired.
I want to be free.
Cosfest!
Haven't updated in awhile, been too busy getting ready for cosfest.
AND IT'S OVER.
Had so much fun. Like, really alot of fun. Gawd. So fun. And so tiring. I'm about ready to collapse right now.
I'll do just that.
WILL UPDATE MOAR.
AND IT'S OVER.
Had so much fun. Like, really alot of fun. Gawd. So fun. And so tiring. I'm about ready to collapse right now.
I'll do just that.
WILL UPDATE MOAR.
It's nice going out alone, once in awhile
Woke up feeling really heavy today. There's been way too many things on my mind lately, their collective weight a heavy burden upon my feelings.
Morning football helped ease it a little. On the court, the feelings disappear, and for those couple of hours I was happy. Sadly, it only lasted that long. Falling asleep on the train ride home didn't help much.
After a shower, and mulling about at home for a period, decided to leave house and pick up a couple of things I was in need of. Beforehand, I asked around a couple of friends, but no one was available. So I decided to go it alone.
Although in the end, I only managed to obtain 2 of my 4 objectives for the day, the time spent alone sorting out my thoughts made me feel good about myself again. It's relaxing knowing that one can walk free without the stresses of life and people.
Morning football helped ease it a little. On the court, the feelings disappear, and for those couple of hours I was happy. Sadly, it only lasted that long. Falling asleep on the train ride home didn't help much.
After a shower, and mulling about at home for a period, decided to leave house and pick up a couple of things I was in need of. Beforehand, I asked around a couple of friends, but no one was available. So I decided to go it alone.
Although in the end, I only managed to obtain 2 of my 4 objectives for the day, the time spent alone sorting out my thoughts made me feel good about myself again. It's relaxing knowing that one can walk free without the stresses of life and people.
I was searching
I had one of those moments.
The path had always been right there, glaringly obvious to my avoiding eyes. Fearful, I stubbornly chose the alternatives, the convoluted side-tracks leading me to where I stand right now.
The middle of nowhere.
Confusion sets in; the belief and confidence in the path taken shattering like a mirror, jagged shards a stark representation of the broken spirit beneath my facade. Emotions coalesce into anger, first directed towards others, and then towards myself. Frustration follows, a raging torrent held back by the once stalwart confidence, now let loose and furious. Painfully it passes, and in it's wake comes profound sadness, and the slow but sure understanding of the futility of it all.
It all happens in the space of minutes. Hard-hitting, powerful emotions rend havoc, the vulnerabilities of the soul laid bare.
Yet, there always existed that faint glimmer of hope. Distant, yet visible, the right path called out, offering a life-line out of the dismal abyss.
I grab it, and I cling on tight, any and all hesitation discarded.
Once again, I stand before the right path.
Forgive me for being dramatic and all, but I just felt the need to type this all out.
The path had always been right there, glaringly obvious to my avoiding eyes. Fearful, I stubbornly chose the alternatives, the convoluted side-tracks leading me to where I stand right now.
The middle of nowhere.
Confusion sets in; the belief and confidence in the path taken shattering like a mirror, jagged shards a stark representation of the broken spirit beneath my facade. Emotions coalesce into anger, first directed towards others, and then towards myself. Frustration follows, a raging torrent held back by the once stalwart confidence, now let loose and furious. Painfully it passes, and in it's wake comes profound sadness, and the slow but sure understanding of the futility of it all.
It all happens in the space of minutes. Hard-hitting, powerful emotions rend havoc, the vulnerabilities of the soul laid bare.
Yet, there always existed that faint glimmer of hope. Distant, yet visible, the right path called out, offering a life-line out of the dismal abyss.
I grab it, and I cling on tight, any and all hesitation discarded.
Once again, I stand before the right path.
Forgive me for being dramatic and all, but I just felt the need to type this all out.
